Great Opening Lines to Novels

In these uncertain times, a crowded elevator smells different to a midget.


She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.


Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.


Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee


Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.


Her breasts were like ripe strawberries, but not as bumpy.


You still have 873 pages to go.


As the scent of sweat from the horse's buttock wafted into his left nostril...